A Piece of Paper
by auipots
Summary: A drabble in a letter format, and readers can imagine which couple/characters they would like to imagine for this simple drabble. For me I'd imagine Eleanor and Park, though the contents didn't mention any references to the original story.


Hey,

It's been months since I last saw you. Last talked to you. Last touched you. Last stared at your eyes. Last hugged you. Last felt your lips.

So here I am, carrying on as per usual. I stared at the clear, blue summer skies, watching the fluffy white clouds float and glide listlessly, and now here I am wondering what you're doing now, what have you been up to lately, whether you're staring at the same sky as me right now.

I let a sad smile form on my lips, as I imagined you being busy with your life, carrying on like nothing happened.

I found a piece of paper in my things, and just then, I felt it's that time of the month again.

_I have to write about you. About us._

I wonder what happened between us. I've been wondering about that since that day I last saw you.

The day we both said our goodbyes.

It was a sad gloomy day. But there were no tears, no dramas, no hurtful words exchanged between us.

It was just that icy silence between us and to be honest, for me, what transpired that day was the most painful and the saddest goodbye that happened ever.

_"I think I've fallen out of love with you."_

No third parties. No family going against our relationship. No complex life problems that arose from between us.

It's the saddest breakup because… we just fell apart.

What we have, what we felt, just stopped like that.

_The love just died._

It was because we both just realized we should just called it quits.

_Emptiness._

Something pinched inside me as all the memories we shared together rushed back like a mad river.

How my heart fluttered and my stomach churned whenever I saw your smile.

How I had goose bumps with the slightest touch that you gave me.

How my brain shuts down whenever you kissed me.

Until gradually, all these little things you made me feel before slowly faded away.

Until the time we met and got together deliberately slackened.

Until we both subconsciously made excuses not to meet each other.

Until our eyes were filled with tiredness and indifference.

Until we both realized, we both changed, and anything that's left between us was never the same anymore.

Until we met for the last time, and both said our goodbyes.

_Emptiness._

They say when you're about to die, flashes of your life passes by your eyes.

I guess the same happens when _love_ is about to die. Flashes of the memories you both shared of what you had passes by your eyes.

I wonder if you experienced the same thing too, that fateful afternoon.

For a split second, I thought I saw sadness and regret flashed your eyes as you said those words. Or was I only imagining things? Was what I thought I saw a premonition, a sign, that I should've held on to you? That I should've never agreed? A forewarning to the loneliness that will consume me months after that afternoon?

There were no tears, but I can tell the silence ate us whole that day.

_What happened between us?_

That moment when you realize whatever you have at the moment isn't a reassurance that you'll have it forever. What you thought you won't ever lose, but in the end, it was you yourself who had let it go.

_Why?_

As these thoughts were running through my head that afternoon after you said those words, for a second I thought maybe we can still work it out.

But as the finality of your voice sank in through me, when I saw the determination in your eyes as you looked straight back at me, I've finally let it go and surrendered and forced myself to think this is what I wanted as well anyways.

**I didn't realize how wrong I was.**

After that afternoon, these are the same thoughts that consumes me, and yet surprisingly, not a single tear escaped from my eyes. Though it confused me, I couldn't deny the loneliness and emptiness that I feel every morning I wake up, that pinching pain that stings in my chest with every breathe I take and I realize there's no more an "us".

I tried to live like nothing happened. I still smile, I still laugh, I mingle with friends, just so I can temporarily alleviate the depression that slowly grows in me. But the moment I'm alone, these same thoughts come back to me with a vengeance, taunting my futile attempts of even trying to ignore them.

_I miss you. _

_**I miss us.**_

I wonder if you're having these same realizations as I'm having now.

Or maybe you've just moved on happily with your life. Without me. Without an "us".

Are you happy? _I sincerely hope you are._

How we ended up this way, I will never know. Just like how we started together.

Now that I lost you, I've been realizing all those moments I have taken for granted.

When we would have our petty fights and one of us would have to swallow our pride to kiss and make up.

When I would hate how you pinch my cheeks or my nose, just because you felt compelled to.

When our elbows or arms would brush up each other unintentionally.

When we laced our fingers together.

When either of us plays with each other's hair mindlessly.

Little moments that I will no longer be able to go back to and experience again are now just fragments of memories that I'll be able to only see inside my head, when I close my eyes, until each fragment also dissolves and disintegrates when memories are starting to fade.

Whenever I wake up and turn to the side where you used to lay, I would always see a mirage of your sleeping figure, and a smile would habitually form in my lips, until the sleepiness fades and your mirage fades with it, and the morning smile would turn into a sad smile after realizing how foolish I was.

I know, time will help me move on and get over you, of the memories, but for now, I'll take my time to take the most from these memories we had to help me get by. Memories of us, before we fell apart.

I'll be fine, but let me take my time. I know you wouldn't mind, right?

Here I am, scrambling all my feelings and thoughts again on this piece of paper. This is my way of coping with the emptiness, whenever it gets unbearable, when it feels too much for me to handle. This is my escape. After I write everything away, I will be tearing this to pieces, and throwing it away, and I'll be okay and start again.

But that doesn't mean I'll miss you less. Maybe someday, I will, but I know it won't be anytime soon.

Will we meet again? I don't know.

Will I see you again? I don't know.

Will I be able to move on? I honestly do not know, but I want to believe I will be. One day. Someday.

When I stop writing on pieces of papers about you, I'll know I've finally let you go, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten you, only that I've accepted the fact that memories will fade and that I don't need memories to remember how I felt for you.

When I stop writing on pieces of papers about you, I'll know I won't need to write everything down to remember you, because I'll know you will always be here, with me, unforgotten.


End file.
